Lan Yan woke up two days later. She’d always been healthy, but the recent lack of sleep had taken its toll. Her mother was sitting by her bed when she opened her eyes. “Lan Yan,” she said.

Lan Yan tried to get out of bed, but Zhang Yun stopped her. “Don’t worry, I’m taking care of everything.”

“Mom,” Lan Yan said, “I want to see her.”

Zhang Yun said, “It’s late…”

“Mom,” Lan Yan interrupted, her voice rising with desperation, “I want to see her. I want to see her.”

She repeated the words, her voice cracking, the pain evident in her trembling tone. “I want to see her. I miss her, Mom. I miss her.”

Just a few days ago, Jiang Jin Yue had still been talking to her, calling her pet names, turning her back to her in mock anger with a playful humph, or saying, “Lan Yan, I want some water.”

Lan Yan threw off the covers, trying to get out of bed, but her mother held her back. She hadn’t eaten in two days and had no strength left. She could only struggle weakly, crying, “I want to see her.”

Her voice was raw with pain, hoarse and broken. Zhang Yun said, “I know, Lan Yan, but don’t get too agitated. Calm down.”

Calm down? How could she calm down? Jiang Jin Yue had left so suddenly, without even a proper goodbye. They’d deliberately avoided talking about it when they were together, and now, all that was left was regret.

Lan Yan cried, her eyes red and swollen, held tightly in her mother’s arms. They stayed like that for a long time. After almost an hour, Lan Yan said, “Mom, I want to go home.”

Zhang Yun said, “Okay, let’s go home.”

Lan Yan clarified, “Her home.”

Zhang Yun hesitated, then relented, taking Lan Yan to Jiang Jin Yue’s old apartment. It was exactly the same, empty and dark. Lan Yan turned on the lights, Jiang Jin Yue’s shadow flickering before her eyes.

“Lan Yan, what are you standing there for? Take off your shoes.”

She looked down and took off her shoes.

She walked towards the living room.

Jiang Jin Yue, sitting on the sofa, would turn and smile at her. “Come sit down, the movie’s already started.”

Lan Yan sat on the sofa, Jiang Jin Yue’s voice echoing in her ears, “I want an apple. Lan Yan, can you peel one for me?”

She’d said, “I’ll go peel some fruit.”

Zhang Yun sat on the sofa. Lan Yan went to the kitchen, took an apple, and calmly peeled it, handing it to Zhang Yun. “Have some fruit.”

She was like a puppet. Zhang Yun frowned. “Lan Yan.”

“I’ll make dinner,” she said. “What do you want to eat?”

Zhang Yun grabbed her hand. “Lan Yan!”

The person before Lan Yan’s eyes blurred, merging with Jiang Jin Yue, then separating again, becoming two distinct people. She seemed to snap back, staring blankly at Zhang Yun, her voice trembling. “Mom.”

Zhang Yun let go of her hand.

Lan Yan looked around. This was where she and Jiang Jin Yue had lived. Although it had only been for a short while, it was filled with their memories. Wherever she looked, she could see Jiang Jin Yue, hear her voice.

Lan Yan said, “Mom, I’m sleeping here tonight.”

“Lan Yan.”

Lan Yan said, “I’ll ask Lan Qi to take you home.”

“It’s okay,” Zhang Yun said. “I’ll stay here with you.”

Lan Yan said, “I don’t need anyone to stay with me.”

“Mom, don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

Zhang Yun had never worried much about Lan Yan, not since she was a child. She’d grown up abroad, where familial affection wasn’t as emphasized. She’d gotten pregnant soon after marrying Lan Yan’s father. She’d wanted to be a good mother, to take care of Lan Yan, like other mothers did, but Lan Yan’s father had sent her back to China, and she hadn’t questioned it. Later, when she’d learned the reason, she’d wanted to bring Lan Yan back with her, but Lan Yan had refused, wanting to stay with her grandmother.

She’d always respected her daughter’s decisions, so she’d let Lan Yan stay in China. She’d even agreed when Lan Yan had wanted to attend high school nearby.

Meeting Jiang Jin Yue had been Lan Yan’s good fortune. She didn’t think it was a bad thing to experience love at a young age, but they were a same-sex couple, and she knew the challenges they would face. Moreover, Jiang Jin Yue’s mother strongly disapproved.

She’d known they weren’t suitable.

But she hadn’t expected Jiang Jin Yue to leave so soon.

Such a good girl, Zhang Yun thought sadly. “Get some rest. I’ll take you to see her tomorrow.”

To see her one last time. That girl’s life was about to end.

Lan Yan sat on the sofa, surrounded by Jiang Jin Yue’s presence. She couldn’t close her eyes. She looked up at the windowsill. The moss rose had withered, only green leaves remaining, the flower dried and brittle. She said, “Okay.”

Her voice had calmed.

She added, “Mom, I want to have a wedding.”

Zhang Yun frowned.

Lan Yan said, “It was her wish too. We don’t need a big ceremony, just family.”

Zhang Yun didn’t object. “I’ll arrange it.”

Lan Yan said, “Thank you, Mom.”

She took the flowerpot and went into the bedroom. As Zhang Yun passed by the half-open door, she saw Lan Yan lying in bed, the room dark. She said, “Lan Yan, if you can’t sleep, you can talk to me.”

Silence met her words.

Zhang Yun called out, “Lan Yan.”

She went inside. Lan Yan’s eyes were closed, her breathing shallow and even.

Zhang Yun left the room and went to the other bedroom, but she couldn’t sleep. She got up several times during the night to check on Lan Yan, seeing her sleeping peacefully. But the worry lines on Zhang Yun’s forehead remained.

The next day, Lan Yan woke up early and made breakfast for Zhang Yun.

Zhang Yun stood at the kitchen door, watching Lan Yan as she worked. Lan Yan looked up. “Mom, you’re awake.”

Zhang Yun said, “Yes. Need any help?”

“No,” Lan Yan said. “You can sit down. Breakfast will be ready soon.”

She added, “I regret it.”

Zhang Yun looked at her.

Lan Yan said, “I never made you a proper meal before.”

Zhang Yun’s heart clenched, tears welling up in her eyes. “It’s my fault. I never made you a proper meal either.”

Lan Yan said, “It’s okay.”

But she didn’t continue.

It’s okay.

What about the future?

Zhang Yun’s eyes burned. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Lan Yan prepared two portions of breakfast. Opening the fridge, she saw the leftover meatballs and remembered Jiang Jin Yue’s cheerful voice, “We can eat the rest next time!”

A lump formed in her throat.

When Zhang Yun came out, Lan Yan had finished setting the table. “Let’s eat.”

“Are you coming with me to see her later?” Zhang Yun asked cautiously, afraid of upsetting Lan Yan. Lan Yan nodded. “I want to go see the new apartment this afternoon. It should be almost finished.”

Zhang Yun said, “I’ll go with you.”

Lan Yan hummed in acknowledgement.

She took a sip of porridge. “I was thinking… of having a small gathering in the next few days, a sort of… farewell.”

Recalling what Lan Yan had said last night, Zhang Yun said, “Lan Yan, you don’t have to rush…”

“I want her to… leave in peace,” Lan Yan said. “She’s always lived with her mother, so ‘home’ is very important to her.”

Otherwise, she wouldn’t have used the money from the drug trial to buy that bridal suite.

From beginning to end, all she’d wanted was a home with Lan Yan.

Zhang Yun nodded. “Okay.”

After breakfast, Lan Yan and Zhang Yun went to the funeral home. She’d thought she wouldn’t be able to handle it, but seeing Jiang Jin Yue’s lifeless body, she was surprisingly calm.

Everyone was surprised by her composure. Even Lan Qi asked, “Lan Yan, do you want to say a few words to her?”

She’d deliberately tried to give them some private time.

Lan Yan had said, “It’s okay, there’s no need.”

She’d been as composed as everyone else, perhaps even more so, watching as Jiang Jin Yue was wheeled out, then back in. Luo Sheng Sheng hurried over. “Everything is taken care of.”

Lan Yan said, “Let’s have dinner together tonight.”

She added, “It’s on me and Xiao Yue.”

Everyone’s heart sank.

Lan Qi said, “Lan Yan…”

Zhang Yun added, “Let’s have dinner together, as a way to… say goodbye.”

Yu He glanced at Luo Sheng Sheng, about to say something, when Luo Sheng Sheng interrupted him, “See you tonight.”

Lan Yan said, “See you tonight.”

They’d chosen the new apartment for the gathering. It had just been renovated, the smell of new furniture still lingering in the air. Zhang Yun opened the windows and asked Lan Yan, “After the wedding, do you want to come back with me?”

Lan Yan said, “I want to stay here.”

She looked at Zhang Yun. “Don’t worry about me. I’ve always been able to take care of myself.”

Zhang Yun wanted to persuade her but realized she had no right. She’d missed too many moments in Lan Yan’s life. It was too late to make up for it now. She nodded. There was a knock at the door. Lan Yan opened it. “They’re here.”

It was a little after four in the afternoon. Lan Qi arrived first, followed by Chen Lin, Yu He, and Luo Sheng Sheng. Lan Yan hadn’t invited many people, just a few close acquaintances. It should have been a happy occasion, but no one could bring themselves to feel any joy.

Lan Yan looked at them, wondering what Jiang Jin Yue would have said.

“Why the long faces? It’s my wedding! Cheer up!” She wanted to say something like that, like Jiang Jin Yue would have, but all she could manage was, “Have a seat.”

The atmosphere was somber. Even Lan Qi, usually the life of the party, was quiet. Chen Lin, looking around, recalling Jiang Jin Yue’s requests for the apartment design, couldn’t stop her eyes from welling up.

The others were even quieter.

Lan Qi, seeing Zhang Yun busy in the kitchen, stood up. “Auntie, I’ll help you.”

Chen Lin also stood up, the atmosphere becoming a little more lively. Luo Sheng Sheng and Yu He sat to the side, looking at Lan Yan. Just as they were about to speak, the doorbell rang.

Yu He asked, “Is anyone else coming?”

Lan Yan replied, “The wedding dress.”

The dress she’d ordered had arrived. The one Jiang Jin Yue had tried on.

Lan Yan went to the door and opened it, taking the box from the delivery person, thanking them as they left. She carried the box back to the living room.

It was a large, square box. Lan Yan placed it on the coffee table, her thin face regaining a little color. “I’ll get some scissors.”

“I’ll get them.” Yu He intercepted her, not wanting her to handle anything sharp. Lan Yan didn’t argue, just sat on the sofa, taking the scissors from Yu He.

She opened the box. Inside was the black and crimson wedding dress. She carefully unfolded it, imagining Jiang Jin Yue wearing it, remembering how she’d looked in the shop, breathtakingly beautiful, smiling brightly at her.

Lan Yan closed her eyes briefly, clutching the dress tightly. She noticed a card in the box.

She picked it up and saw her name written on the back.

It was Jiang Jin Yue’s handwriting.

When had she written this?

Lan Yan’s heart trembled. The card was light, weightless, yet she couldn’t bring herself to turn it over.

Yu He and Luo Sheng Sheng exchanged a look, both silent.

Sounds drifted from the kitchen. After a long moment, Lan Yan finally turned the card over.

Inside, she saw two sentences.

[Lan Yan, this time, I’ll let you walk slowly, even more slowly.]

[Lan Yan, goodbye.]

The card had a simple, elegant design, with a line of poetry printed at the bottom.

[At parting, the vast river reflects the moon.]